A man took to Reddit to ask that social media platform’s AITA (“Am I the A–hole”) subreddit community if he was in the wrong for asking his girlfriend to play a more traditional female role during an upcoming visit with his family.
“I have a big family that’s incredibly close,” Reddit user GraveYardSchift wrote in a post on Sunday.
“We have big family dinners every few months, where we all meet at my great-grandfather’s estate and eat together.”
In these family dinners, the women “go cook for the time they’re there” and “the men don’t,” the Reddit user detailed.
A man on Reddit (not pictured) said he comes from a large family — and that he asked his girlfriend to play along with a more traditional role by staying in the kitchen and cooking with the other female members of his family. (iStock)
He added, “When I have seen new partners not cook, it’s gone bad … [The woman is] completely ostracized,” he said, and there’s “cattiness” and rudeness” directed at these new partners.
“This dinner will be in two weeks and my girlfriend was asked if she would attend,” the Redditor continued. “Initially she said, ‘Yes,’ which is great.”
When he explained the family tradition of wives cooking and men socializing, his girlfriend was “understandably bothered,” the poster also said.
“I told her that I understood where she was coming from; however, it’s best for everyone if she just played along,” he continued.
The man also told his girlfriend that this situation “isn’t a permanent thing” and that he is only asking her to do this so that she can “avoid bad treatment from the rest of the family.”
“She told me that if I think it’s acceptable to make her do this, I’m just as bad as everyone else,” he added, “while my point is that she needs to make a good first impression.”
The couple described on Reddit (not pictured) have different ideas of how a “first impression” should be handled when it comes to meeting each other’s families. (iStock)
Fox News Digital attempted to reach the original poster, but his account is listed as “restricted” to approved users only.
One Pennsylvania psychologist said she finds the scenario troubling.
- You are not good enough as you are.
- My family’s needs are more important than ours.
- My family’s views of me are more important to me than your needs.
- My family has the power to influence how we interact together.
“This last one, in particular, can be very damaging moving forward, as more attitudes and beliefs come forth (attitudes toward marriage, raising children, etc.),” she also noted.
“Finally, the girlfriend was pretty clear at setting her limits and boundaries and the disregard for her emotions is concerning,” Bernstein added.
A man on Reddit (not pictured) revealed that during dinners among his family, the women are in the kitchen cooking while the male members of the family socialize. (iStock)
The Reddit community had plenty to say on the issue.
“Why would he really try to fix anything when he benefits from it?” one commenter said of the original poster.
That same commenter continued, “The entire system has always worked for them. They do not want to blow their own rank and they will severely punish anyone who threatens it.”
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Another commenter had a more flexible — and actionable — reaction.